Ethics of an apartment dog
+ Introduction
A lot of people keep dogs in the city. Should they? How can we tell if a dog is too big and too active for its owner's tight apartment and constrained walking schedule? We put our finest existential mathematicians on this problem to figure out the ethical implications of keeping canine companionship in the metropolis.
+ Minimum Healthy Number of Walked Miles
Let M d represent the minimum healthy number of miles a given dog should walk every day. M d is a function of that dog’s height factor (S d ), which is its height, divided by three; and its age factor (A d ), which is the number of years older than 10 it is.
M d = Sd - Ad
As an example, let us take the instance of an 11 year old Lab that is 24 inches tall:
Sd = 24/3, or 8
Ad = 11 - 10, or 1
M d = 8 - 1, or 7 miles a day
+ Real Miles, or Mile Equivalents, Walked
Let R m equal the real number of miles, or mile equivalents, that your dog is walking. Rm is a function of Miles walked (Mw), Miles jogged (Mj), Dog Park Mile Equivalents (Dp), and Apartment Size Factor (As).
Let Mw be the number of the miles you walk with your dog.
Let Mj be a function of the miles you jog with your dog: # of miles times two.
Let Dp be a function of the amount of time your dog spends in a dog park, where it will be sprinting and wrestling: # of minutes divided by ten.
Let As be a function of the square footage of your apartment available for solo dog movement: # of square feet divided by 1000.
Rm = M w + M j + D p + A s
+ Ethical Mile Debt with Example
Let E be the Ethical Mile Debt of your ownership of a given dog. E is a siimple function of Md and Rm.
E = Rm - Md
A dog owner with a positive E, beneath 3 (in which case you’re overexercising your dog), is good. Negative E is bad.
As an example, let’s take the case of the 11 year old, 24-inch Lab we mention in the above example (Md = 7). If you keep this Lab in a 600 square foot apartment with no off limits areas (Ap = .6), jog with it to and from the .5 mile distant dog park once a day (Jm = 2) , where you let it spend an average of thirty minutes romping with the other pups (Dp = 3). You also take it out to shit twice a day, traveling a total distance of .5 miles (Mw = .5).
In this case Rm = .5 + 2 + 3 + .6, or 6.1.
So E = 6.1 - 7, or -.9
-.9. You are a bad dog owner. Not the worst, but bad.